Need A Mom? Kleenex Wants The Job, Apparently

(from October 3, 2009)

I love America.

No matter what the newstalk shows lament about our country, we live in freedom, we have a wealth beyond what most other countries can imagine, and we truly have the best opportunities to pursue life, liberty, and happiness.

And we can also have a web site for tissues be our mom.

I just saw a commercial for it on TV, and I had to check it out.

www.getmommed.com

Apparently, the idea is to choose one of the eight moms to help you get through cold and flu season. That seems reasonable...? I really had no idea how to respond to the commercial.

So I went to the site. Sure enough, there are eight moms, all awkwardly cyber-waiting in a weird white room in uncomfortable positions that are supposed to look natural and casual I guess. When you roll the mouse pointer over each one, they give you a little greeting...and if you don't do anything, they start talking to you randomly. It's a little weird, to be honest.

But then you start clicking on them...and it's like being in a candy store, only full of moms. Always wanted an Hispanic mom to share her family secrets? Ana Maria is your mom. Love biscuits and down-home Southern hospitality? Magnolia has a pie waiting for you. Wish your mom was cool and one of your best friends? Jessica is sitting casually on the floor, as young people often do, ready to hang out and talk about texting, the Jonas Brothers, or that cute pair of shoes. They all look so...so...sweet. It's hard to choose...

But once you do make your selection (feeling bad for the poor neglected moms you leave behind, if you're anything like me), your new mom has a whole bunch of things she wants to do for you. She offers to wake you up, tell you the weather, remind you of important dates/events, tell you a bedtime story, and even wish you a happy birthday. That sounds ok...until you see that you can register your phone...and she'll call you to leave a voice message for each of the nine options. Let that sink in: your fake website mom will call you to wish you a happy birthday. I can't tell if that's ridiculously awesome, or hopelessly sad. It seems like it's a good portion of both.

I should probably explain that I have a wonderful mom, with whom I spoke even today, and she loves me very much, and I love her. But that didn't stop me from signing up for an internet mom as quickly as I could type. I haven't decided on all the particulars yet, but my internet mom can get in touch with me by calling me, texting me, or even posting things on my facebook page. Not only is she charming and witty, but she's so current with all the latest trends and technology! How is this not awesome?!?

For the record, I went with Jessica, the cool mom who wants to be my BFF, knows all about how to stay healthy while still having an active social life, and offers to "be there with some take0ut and a box of Kleenex!" whenever I get sick. I may choose a different mom sometimes; there are days when it's just nice to have a quasi-Jewish mom with big glasses tell me all about how she likes doing laundry. Other days...not so much.

Either way...I found the whole experience very other-worldly, and if you get a chance to check it out...let me know what you think.

And if nothing else, you might get a little self-confidence boost.

It's actually one of the things your new internet mom offers. Really.