Since my last blog got taken down for some reason, I went ahead and used my considerable genius to create a better one.
If you want to see just a tiny glimpse into the world of the intelligentsia, be sure to check out the blog page: http://membersoftheintelligentsia.blogspot.com/
It is my aim to bring you tidbits from the mind, life and times of a card-carrying (well, we don't actually have cards, mostly because we want to keep our existence a secret from all you "middle-of-the-curve" people out there) member of the intelligentsia.
I think we'll all have a lot of fun. And we may even learn something. Well, you probably will. I kind of know pretty much everything.
: )
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The Bourne Zone
I'm going to see Green Zone, starring Matt Damon, on Friday to review it with Chris Schnese for The Spoiler Warning podcast.
Before I do though, I thought I'd share my thoughts going in so that you can read them, then listen to the podcast, to see if I was right or if the movie ended up being different than I thought it would be.
Basically, this movie looks like another entry in the Bourne series, only Matt Damon is playing some dude name Roy or something. I'm basically expecting some kind of government agency doing something covert, needed Matt Damon to do some crazy stuff to make the covert operation happen, then some gun battles will happen, maybe some running, probably some kind of vehicular chase, then the mission will get done and we will all have learned a little something about ourselves.
Here's the thing: I've never really been a fan of Damon as an action star. He looks kind of soft, like he's just one little emotional turn away from bursting into tears. And I really like him in comedy roles, like as one of a set of conjoined twins in Stuck On You with Greg Kinnear. He doesn't have that intense quality like Harrison Ford, Bruce Willis, Brad Pitt, Daniel Craig, or even Leonardo DiCaprio have in those roles. To me, it's kind of like putting Ed Helms (Andy Bernard from The Office) in an action role. Sure, he could deliver the lines and not screw up the scenes, but it would just feel weird the whole time.
Speaking of The Office, I'm glad to see that the actress who played Michael Scott's girlfriend Holly land a leading role in a movie. Good for her. I just wonder if she called up Chris Cooper to get some pointers on how to play the role of the government person working just above Jason Bou--er--this Roy dude.
Still though, this movie could end up being pretty good. I bet it will have a good enough plot to keep it interesting, the action will be intense, and I'm sure it will get the blood pumping just a little bit.
So...stay tuned for a link to The Spoiler Warning sometime this weekend to see what I think after I see it...
Stuff I'm Doing
So, I haven't updated my blog lately...and I thought I'd share with you a few reasons why:
1. I haven't really had anything interesting to say.
2. I'm getting married in May.
3. I write for a living, so I don't really think about writing more when I'm done with work.
4. I got to watching this one episode of Futurama, and...well...just sort of lost track of time.
5. I've been cleaning my apartment. It needed it.
6. I was briefly brainwashed by an internet-hating sect of the Whig party. I'm ok now though.
7. I was mauled by a pack of wallabies. I barely escaped with my life.
8. I needed to run out and get some Old Spice body wash so I don't smell like a lady.
9. I need to keep my NFL draft board updated...hourly.
10. Cooper Lanting told me I needed to spend more time reading books about unicorns.
11. I've been trying to prevent congress from passing the health care bill. Mostly by telling senator Jim Bunning to act like a d-bag. It's been working ok.
12. I won a free tour of this magical chocolate factory. I barely escaped with my life.
13. Tiger Woods keeps calling me and telling me to delete his name from my phone.
14. I'm kind of sleepy.
15. I have to get ready for the Miss Valley Center pageant. I'm going to win the crown this year for sure.
16. I had a hangnail. I barely escaped with my life.
17. I was running free with the coyotes, earning their trust and learning their ways, ascending to the head of the pack, then getting overconfident and finally being overthrown by a younger, more popular coyote...and eventually coming full circle, learning that my pride was my downfall, and becoming an accepted, contributing member of coyote society once again.
18. Um...I was watching the Olympics? Ha ha...just kidding...nobody watches the Olympics anymore.
19. I was getting my tires rotated.
20. My fingers got cold.
21. I had some overdue books to take back to the library. I barely escaped with my life.
22. I'm quitting smoking...crack. Ha ha...just kidding...nobody smokes crack anymore. I prefer heroin.
23. I was in the shower.
24. I've been leaving behind a carefully selected series of objects for future societies to discover so that they will be able to accurately piece together a working model of what life is like in the year 1985.
25. I'm bored.
All of that to say...sorry I haven't written in a while. I'm going to try to write more about the movies I see for The Spoiler Warning podcast with Chris Schnese...so check in from time to time if you're interested. Thanks!
Fantastic Mr. Kidder
I'm back!
Finally!
And I reviewed a movie with Christopher Schnese for The Spoiler Warning!
We reviewed Fantastic Mr. Fox this time around, and we both had a really great time. I especially enjoyed the trailers for this movie, which included Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakuel and The Tooth Fairy, both of which look absolutely epic.
Listen to the full podcast here: http://bit.ly/6c82Rc
Finally!
And I reviewed a movie with Christopher Schnese for The Spoiler Warning!
We reviewed Fantastic Mr. Fox this time around, and we both had a really great time. I especially enjoyed the trailers for this movie, which included Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakuel and The Tooth Fairy, both of which look absolutely epic.
Listen to the full podcast here: http://bit.ly/6c82Rc
Need A Mom? Kleenex Wants The Job, Apparently
(from October 3, 2009)
I love America.
No matter what the newstalk shows lament about our country, we live in freedom, we have a wealth beyond what most other countries can imagine, and we truly have the best opportunities to pursue life, liberty, and happiness.
And we can also have a web site for tissues be our mom.
I just saw a commercial for it on TV, and I had to check it out.
www.getmommed.com
Apparently, the idea is to choose one of the eight moms to help you get through cold and flu season. That seems reasonable...? I really had no idea how to respond to the commercial.
So I went to the site. Sure enough, there are eight moms, all awkwardly cyber-waiting in a weird white room in uncomfortable positions that are supposed to look natural and casual I guess. When you roll the mouse pointer over each one, they give you a little greeting...and if you don't do anything, they start talking to you randomly. It's a little weird, to be honest.
But then you start clicking on them...and it's like being in a candy store, only full of moms. Always wanted an Hispanic mom to share her family secrets? Ana Maria is your mom. Love biscuits and down-home Southern hospitality? Magnolia has a pie waiting for you. Wish your mom was cool and one of your best friends? Jessica is sitting casually on the floor, as young people often do, ready to hang out and talk about texting, the Jonas Brothers, or that cute pair of shoes. They all look so...so...sweet. It's hard to choose...
But once you do make your selection (feeling bad for the poor neglected moms you leave behind, if you're anything like me), your new mom has a whole bunch of things she wants to do for you. She offers to wake you up, tell you the weather, remind you of important dates/events, tell you a bedtime story, and even wish you a happy birthday. That sounds ok...until you see that you can register your phone...and she'll call you to leave a voice message for each of the nine options. Let that sink in: your fake website mom will call you to wish you a happy birthday. I can't tell if that's ridiculously awesome, or hopelessly sad. It seems like it's a good portion of both.
I should probably explain that I have a wonderful mom, with whom I spoke even today, and she loves me very much, and I love her. But that didn't stop me from signing up for an internet mom as quickly as I could type. I haven't decided on all the particulars yet, but my internet mom can get in touch with me by calling me, texting me, or even posting things on my facebook page. Not only is she charming and witty, but she's so current with all the latest trends and technology! How is this not awesome?!?
For the record, I went with Jessica, the cool mom who wants to be my BFF, knows all about how to stay healthy while still having an active social life, and offers to "be there with some take0ut and a box of Kleenex!" whenever I get sick. I may choose a different mom sometimes; there are days when it's just nice to have a quasi-Jewish mom with big glasses tell me all about how she likes doing laundry. Other days...not so much.
Either way...I found the whole experience very other-worldly, and if you get a chance to check it out...let me know what you think.
And if nothing else, you might get a little self-confidence boost.
It's actually one of the things your new internet mom offers. Really.
I love America.
No matter what the newstalk shows lament about our country, we live in freedom, we have a wealth beyond what most other countries can imagine, and we truly have the best opportunities to pursue life, liberty, and happiness.
And we can also have a web site for tissues be our mom.
I just saw a commercial for it on TV, and I had to check it out.
www.getmommed.com
Apparently, the idea is to choose one of the eight moms to help you get through cold and flu season. That seems reasonable...? I really had no idea how to respond to the commercial.
So I went to the site. Sure enough, there are eight moms, all awkwardly cyber-waiting in a weird white room in uncomfortable positions that are supposed to look natural and casual I guess. When you roll the mouse pointer over each one, they give you a little greeting...and if you don't do anything, they start talking to you randomly. It's a little weird, to be honest.
But then you start clicking on them...and it's like being in a candy store, only full of moms. Always wanted an Hispanic mom to share her family secrets? Ana Maria is your mom. Love biscuits and down-home Southern hospitality? Magnolia has a pie waiting for you. Wish your mom was cool and one of your best friends? Jessica is sitting casually on the floor, as young people often do, ready to hang out and talk about texting, the Jonas Brothers, or that cute pair of shoes. They all look so...so...sweet. It's hard to choose...
But once you do make your selection (feeling bad for the poor neglected moms you leave behind, if you're anything like me), your new mom has a whole bunch of things she wants to do for you. She offers to wake you up, tell you the weather, remind you of important dates/events, tell you a bedtime story, and even wish you a happy birthday. That sounds ok...until you see that you can register your phone...and she'll call you to leave a voice message for each of the nine options. Let that sink in: your fake website mom will call you to wish you a happy birthday. I can't tell if that's ridiculously awesome, or hopelessly sad. It seems like it's a good portion of both.
I should probably explain that I have a wonderful mom, with whom I spoke even today, and she loves me very much, and I love her. But that didn't stop me from signing up for an internet mom as quickly as I could type. I haven't decided on all the particulars yet, but my internet mom can get in touch with me by calling me, texting me, or even posting things on my facebook page. Not only is she charming and witty, but she's so current with all the latest trends and technology! How is this not awesome?!?
For the record, I went with Jessica, the cool mom who wants to be my BFF, knows all about how to stay healthy while still having an active social life, and offers to "be there with some take0ut and a box of Kleenex!" whenever I get sick. I may choose a different mom sometimes; there are days when it's just nice to have a quasi-Jewish mom with big glasses tell me all about how she likes doing laundry. Other days...not so much.
Either way...I found the whole experience very other-worldly, and if you get a chance to check it out...let me know what you think.
And if nothing else, you might get a little self-confidence boost.
It's actually one of the things your new internet mom offers. Really.
How To Win Your Fantasy Football League
You’ve studied the players. You watched all the preseason games. You drafted your team with the latest projections at your side.
You are ready for fantasy football.
But now that the season’s started, what’s next?
Fortunately, there are five easy things you, the fantasy football owner, can do to virtually ensure your squad a spot in the post-season, and all but lock up the championship trophy.
1. Watch as many games as you can
There are at least four games on every week, plus highlights. Later in the season, they add a Thursday game and eventually some Saturday games. All told, you should be spending a minimum of 15 hours, highlights included, engrossed in NFL action per week.
Quick disclaimer before we continue: some of these suggestions may make you think, “How can I expect to live my life and still win my fantasy football league?” Just to clear up any confusion – you can’t have both. So if you want to win, start telling the people around you that you’re essentially unavailable from now until February. And if this is a problem for you, well then… perhaps you should rethink your priorities.
Watching NFL games is key from a fantasy perspective because it gives you information that your opponents may not get. If you’re watching the Chargers and you notice that Philip Rivers is looking in Malcolm Floyd’s direction in the red zone, then you might consider picking Floyd up and seeing what happens. If you’re watching the Seahawks and start seeing Edgerrin James in the backfield more and more, he might be worth a waiver claim.
Watching the games to see who’s on the field means you’re going to know who has the best possibility to score points. And scoring points is what wins match-ups, and winning match-ups is what gets you the trophy.
2. Don’t fall for the fluke
Every season, especially in the first few weeks, there are some big days from guys nobody’s ever heard of. Last year, there was a rush to pick up Carolina tight end Dante Rosario after he hauled in seven catches for 96 yards and an exciting, game-winning touchdown. Sadly, for the owner who “won” the right to pick him up, he was a disappointment for the rest of the season, and currently is average at best.
Already this season we’ve seen big days from the likes of Robert Meachem, Louis Murphy, Laurent Robinson, and Reggie Barrington. And just so you know, I totally made up one of those names, and if you can’t tell which one is fake… Well then you’re not alone, because, by the end of the season, it’s almost entirely certain that these names will all sound made up.
The point is, the guys you want on your roster are the guys who are going to be consistent. Don’t fall for the fluke of the big week from a no-name player. That’s why you’re watching all those games in the first place, to see who gets the ball consistently, and who is just lucky for one week.
3. Don’t be afraid to talk a little smack
Fantasy football can be tough on the psyche. You can plan, you can project, you can devour everything the “experts” say, and your team can still put up a collective stinker. It’s happened to every one of us.
And there is no better time to get in somebody’s head than when they’re questioning everything they do.
Now, I’m not a proponent of kicking somebody when they’re down, at least not in real life, so please pay attention to the specifics of how this is done.
Whether you know the other owners in your league or not, I feel like there should always be a degree of decorum displayed in the essential area of talking smack. Nobody likes that guy (or girl) who posts threads littered with f-bombs and references to everyone else’s mothers. So please, don’t be that guy (or girl).
Instead, be clever with your smack talk. It’s OK to get a little personal, but always keep it within the context of the league. For example, making fun of another owner for starting Jake Delhomme against the Eagles is perfectly acceptable. Making fun of this owner’s personal life in any way is not. A subtle difference, but crucial. A handy tip to remember is to address the owner using the name of his or her team, not their actual name. For example, it’s good to say, “Boy, the Sudan Sandstorm better not be counting on David Garrard to carry his team this year – ouch!” But it’s not really acceptable to say, “Nate Kidder sucks for starting David Garrard! What a pathetic loser!” I hope this example helps.
Another thing to remember is to always project a sense of superiority, whether you feel it or not. Don’t be crass or obnoxious, but feel free to casually mention how well your players are doing when they have a big week. Or if you picked up a sleeper late in the draft, make remarks about all the players drafted ahead of this guy and how he’s outscoring them all.
The smack talk is a great part of the game, so use it, be clever with it, have fun, and make the most of any advantage you can get. If you do it right, you’ll see some other owners making panic decisions, like dropping Clinton Portis after a down week, or uttering the phrase, “I really think this is going to be a big year for Mike Furrey!”
4. Don’t give up!
It’s really, really easy to get four or five weeks into the season, look at your 2-3 record, and think, “This is stupid, I quit.” But the fantasy season is typically 13 weeks long, and, depending on how your league is set up, most of the teams make the playoffs. You can post a so-so 7-6 record and wind up in the middle of the post-season madness. If you’re patient with your waiver-wire pickups and make a point of hanging on to consistent players through their injuries, your team can go from average to spectacular in no time at all.
All you have to do in the regular season is stay in the playoff hunt. Once the post-season starts, it’s anybody’s trophy to win.
5. Get lucky
Buy a rabbit’s foot. Find a four-leaf clover. Rub a bald guy’s head. Whatever you think is going to bring fortune your way, keep it handy.
Because you can play fantasy football for years and still never expect Ronnie Brown to score five touchdowns against the Patriots in Foxboro Stadium, or Peyton Manning to throw six interceptions against the Chargers, or backup quarterback Tyler Thigpen to catch a 31-yard touchdown reception against the Buccaneers. Sometimes, fantasy football is just blind, stupid, random, cross-eyed luck. Just go with the flow, and hope you get to be on the receiving end of one of those crazy days.
And whatever you do, have fun with your fantasy team. It’s so much fun to be in a league with other owners who give it just the right amount of seriousness. If you’re having fun, it’ll be worth your while. And if it’s worth your while, then winning that trophy will be that much more special.
You are ready for fantasy football.
But now that the season’s started, what’s next?
Fortunately, there are five easy things you, the fantasy football owner, can do to virtually ensure your squad a spot in the post-season, and all but lock up the championship trophy.
1. Watch as many games as you can
There are at least four games on every week, plus highlights. Later in the season, they add a Thursday game and eventually some Saturday games. All told, you should be spending a minimum of 15 hours, highlights included, engrossed in NFL action per week.
Quick disclaimer before we continue: some of these suggestions may make you think, “How can I expect to live my life and still win my fantasy football league?” Just to clear up any confusion – you can’t have both. So if you want to win, start telling the people around you that you’re essentially unavailable from now until February. And if this is a problem for you, well then… perhaps you should rethink your priorities.
Watching NFL games is key from a fantasy perspective because it gives you information that your opponents may not get. If you’re watching the Chargers and you notice that Philip Rivers is looking in Malcolm Floyd’s direction in the red zone, then you might consider picking Floyd up and seeing what happens. If you’re watching the Seahawks and start seeing Edgerrin James in the backfield more and more, he might be worth a waiver claim.
Watching the games to see who’s on the field means you’re going to know who has the best possibility to score points. And scoring points is what wins match-ups, and winning match-ups is what gets you the trophy.
2. Don’t fall for the fluke
Every season, especially in the first few weeks, there are some big days from guys nobody’s ever heard of. Last year, there was a rush to pick up Carolina tight end Dante Rosario after he hauled in seven catches for 96 yards and an exciting, game-winning touchdown. Sadly, for the owner who “won” the right to pick him up, he was a disappointment for the rest of the season, and currently is average at best.
Already this season we’ve seen big days from the likes of Robert Meachem, Louis Murphy, Laurent Robinson, and Reggie Barrington. And just so you know, I totally made up one of those names, and if you can’t tell which one is fake… Well then you’re not alone, because, by the end of the season, it’s almost entirely certain that these names will all sound made up.
The point is, the guys you want on your roster are the guys who are going to be consistent. Don’t fall for the fluke of the big week from a no-name player. That’s why you’re watching all those games in the first place, to see who gets the ball consistently, and who is just lucky for one week.
3. Don’t be afraid to talk a little smack
Fantasy football can be tough on the psyche. You can plan, you can project, you can devour everything the “experts” say, and your team can still put up a collective stinker. It’s happened to every one of us.
And there is no better time to get in somebody’s head than when they’re questioning everything they do.
Now, I’m not a proponent of kicking somebody when they’re down, at least not in real life, so please pay attention to the specifics of how this is done.
Whether you know the other owners in your league or not, I feel like there should always be a degree of decorum displayed in the essential area of talking smack. Nobody likes that guy (or girl) who posts threads littered with f-bombs and references to everyone else’s mothers. So please, don’t be that guy (or girl).
Instead, be clever with your smack talk. It’s OK to get a little personal, but always keep it within the context of the league. For example, making fun of another owner for starting Jake Delhomme against the Eagles is perfectly acceptable. Making fun of this owner’s personal life in any way is not. A subtle difference, but crucial. A handy tip to remember is to address the owner using the name of his or her team, not their actual name. For example, it’s good to say, “Boy, the Sudan Sandstorm better not be counting on David Garrard to carry his team this year – ouch!” But it’s not really acceptable to say, “Nate Kidder sucks for starting David Garrard! What a pathetic loser!” I hope this example helps.
Another thing to remember is to always project a sense of superiority, whether you feel it or not. Don’t be crass or obnoxious, but feel free to casually mention how well your players are doing when they have a big week. Or if you picked up a sleeper late in the draft, make remarks about all the players drafted ahead of this guy and how he’s outscoring them all.
The smack talk is a great part of the game, so use it, be clever with it, have fun, and make the most of any advantage you can get. If you do it right, you’ll see some other owners making panic decisions, like dropping Clinton Portis after a down week, or uttering the phrase, “I really think this is going to be a big year for Mike Furrey!”
4. Don’t give up!
It’s really, really easy to get four or five weeks into the season, look at your 2-3 record, and think, “This is stupid, I quit.” But the fantasy season is typically 13 weeks long, and, depending on how your league is set up, most of the teams make the playoffs. You can post a so-so 7-6 record and wind up in the middle of the post-season madness. If you’re patient with your waiver-wire pickups and make a point of hanging on to consistent players through their injuries, your team can go from average to spectacular in no time at all.
All you have to do in the regular season is stay in the playoff hunt. Once the post-season starts, it’s anybody’s trophy to win.
5. Get lucky
Buy a rabbit’s foot. Find a four-leaf clover. Rub a bald guy’s head. Whatever you think is going to bring fortune your way, keep it handy.
Because you can play fantasy football for years and still never expect Ronnie Brown to score five touchdowns against the Patriots in Foxboro Stadium, or Peyton Manning to throw six interceptions against the Chargers, or backup quarterback Tyler Thigpen to catch a 31-yard touchdown reception against the Buccaneers. Sometimes, fantasy football is just blind, stupid, random, cross-eyed luck. Just go with the flow, and hope you get to be on the receiving end of one of those crazy days.
And whatever you do, have fun with your fantasy team. It’s so much fun to be in a league with other owners who give it just the right amount of seriousness. If you’re having fun, it’ll be worth your while. And if it’s worth your while, then winning that trophy will be that much more special.
Movies With One-Word Titles
So I took a long-overdue trip to the local theater this evening, and pulled off the double feature for the first time in a while, and it was a good time, as it usually is. Here are a few thoughts on what I saw:
1. Gamer
This was a good action movie. I really like Gerard Butler in movies when he's not a total pansy, and this role fits that description to a T. Because I feel like it, let's break it down thusly:
The Good: Action, action and more action. If you like things getting blown up, blood splattering around, guns and bombs going off, and lots of people yelling, then this movie will rock your world. For the actual nerds...er...gamers out there, you'll appreciate a few things, including a convict tea-bagging a guy he just blew away, the layout specs of the game system in the gamer's room, and the specific details of showing that the guns only become active within the game zone. It's put together really well, the visuals are pretty spectacular (I especially like when they show the gamer's view trailing the convict through the battle...very gamelike and cool). There is also an interesting subplot featuring a Sims-esque game called "Society" that...well, it's basically the Sims, only gamers control actual people. The sad truth is that they show pretty much exactly what that would look like, right down to the extremely fat guy (in a power chair!) playing as a hot chick and trying to get laid all the time. It was pretty disturbing...and somehow probably really accurate. Eesh.
The Bad: The plot wasn't all that great; I mean, we've seen enough "random smart rich guy finds a way to enslave humanity through something popular that everybody should object to on moral reasons but doesn't because of our faults as a species" movies to...well...there are a few of them out there, anyway. The acting wasn't the best either; Butler is a freaking beast, which is cool, but his accent kind of comes and goes. The main bad guy isn't all that scary; he has a weird southern-ish accent and is vaguely creepy, but not as much as I would have liked in order to hate him appropriately. They really didn't explore the "Humanz" group as much as they could have, either...we don't really know where they came from or why the exist so much, but we do see them playing old-school games like Metroid and air hockey. Which may be why they exist.
The Ugly: Kyra Sedgewick. Do not want.
You Should: Go see it if you like action movies and video games, and video game tea-bagging, but probably pass if you're looking for something that won't leave you kind of grossed out and a little bit sad afterward.
2. Extract
I may or may not have seen this movie just to have an excuse to post a picture of Mila Kunis here. But knowing that it's a Mike Judge (creator of Beavis & Butthead, as well as Office Space) movie, I expected pretty great things. I was not disappointed.
The Good: EVERYTHING! OK, I'm exaggerating...but only a little. This was a really, really funny movie, especially if you like movies with those little awkward moments and understated humor. Jason Bateman is fantastic, and the old formula for comedy (take a nice, genuine, regular guy and just eff with him for two hours) works so, so well. Apparently Mila Kunis is not just unbelieveably gorgeous, but actually a really good actress as well (after her work on That 70s Show...who would have known?). Of course, she is a girl, so it's not hard to believe that she's naturally good at being a) deceptive, b) conniving, c) a thief, and d) really good at crying/flirting to get out of/into whatever she wants. Ben Affleck is genuinely funny, the supporting cast does a great job of recreating that factory-type work environment, and I really, really enjoy Kristen Wiig. She tends to play the same character in everything she's in, but it works for her. She's kind of smart, sarcastic, a little bit standoffish, and still kind of cute, but in the kind of way that you hate her for it. She does a great job playing the wife that just turns the screws (not literally...which is kind of the root of the problem for Bateman's character) with her poor husband. There is a gigolo named Brad -- a pretty fun addition to the adventure -- and you have to love a good Hal Sparks/Nick Thune cameo right off the bat. If you don't know who Nick Thune is...well then...enjoy this clip, called Phone Tag.
The Bad: It's a little dirty; they talk about balls and drugs and things, so it's not really for the kids out there. It kind of unravels a little bit toward the end; the comedy isn't as sharp and the characters start to be less funny and more...sad, kind of. It's still funny, but they probably could have cut a couple scenes just to move things along and keep it light. And there really weren't enough scenes with Kunis.
You Should: Go see it immediately. Take a date (unless he/she is really easily offended by shoplifting, testicle talk, drug references, or veiled racism) and have fun laughing at how the main character's life comes crumbling down around him. If you liked Office Space (and I haven't met someone who has seen it and didn't), you should enjoy this movie.
Something else happened at the theater that I think you should all know about. I saw the trailer for the movie Legion, and I think my soul melted. There is not enough money in the world to get me to go see this movie, or watch the trailer ever again. Three words: creepy demon grandma. SOOOOOOOO not cool. Ugh. I'm going to go watch seven hours of baby kittens falling asleep videos to calm down.
I'm Back, Baby!
(from September 1, 2009)
Sorry...I haven't written anything in forever. No excuse...it's just really hot in my apartment, and I've had a lot of writing to do for work, and...those are excuses. I apologize.
I only have a few quick thoughts tonight, so we'll jump right in...
1. I'm going to make a decision...I'm making a decision...decision made. I've made up my mind -- I think -- and I have decided that Inglorious Basterds is a good movie. Not great...good. I'll let you Tarantino fans get over yourselves for a second...there we go. The thing is, I'm noticing that a lot of movies fall into this category: they're so close to being really, really good, but they end up being...lackluster. Public Enemies was like that, Basterds was like that, and District 9 was like that (more on this in a second). Basterds did what it advertised; it gave us a WWII movie directed by Quentin Tarantino. It was fun enough, kooky enough, and had some classic moments, as well as a few classic lines ("Since this seems to be the end, mind if I go out speaking the king's?"). I might see it again...I might not...either way, it wouldn't really matter. That, I suppose, is the definition of underwhelming.
2. District 9, on the other hand, wasn't underwhelming as much as it was overhyped. I usually avoid things that everybody's raving about, mostly because public opinion is kind of like the "ask the audience" lifeline from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire (remember that show? Regis!) -- everybody agrees on things that are obvious. And the more people agree about obvious things, the more people jump on the bandwagon, until it just gets annoying. If the old saying that misery loves company is true, then I'd be willing to also say that stupidity loves company. Either way...there's lots of company to be had. Back to D9; it was a very original movie, and probably would have been much more enjoyable had it not been for everybody and their mother (and I did have actual mothers tell me about it) gushing about how amazing and life-changing this movie is. For the record, I enjoyed the movie very much, although the company with whom I watched it proved to be a bit...distracting...in a good way, but still. I'll probably watch it again and give more complete thoughts. One thing I loved was that the main character's name is "Wikus." And I also said the word "man" on the end of sentences for the rest of the night. As in, "come over here and take a look at this, man" like they do in that South African/Dutch accent. Classic.
3. If you are a hippie, or know a hippie, or are really into hippie culture, I bet you'll like Taking Woodstock. It's not overtly funny, it's not very dramatic, it's not all that inspiring, and it's not like an actual historical biopic or anything. It's kind of like hippies...not unpleasant, not very active, vaguely cerebral, and full of funny little awkward moments that can make you chuckle. Demetri Martin does a great job of sucking so badly at acting that he genuinely comes across as the ill-at-ease, can't-get-out-of-his-own-way, really nerdy Jewish kid. Maybe he didn't have to act much to pull that one off. But whatever he did or sucked at doing, it worked beautifully for this role. The story is just about a kid who hates living in upstate NY (as we all do/did) and more or less stumbles his way into bringing the Woodstock music festival to his neighbor's farm. Real quick, one disappointing thing was that they didn't play/show nearly enough of the music from that event; not even a fake Dylan sighting or an allusion to Hendrix...nothing. Another disappointing thing was the pushing of the gay agenda...I wasn't there, but it just seemed forced in the movie; like they felt they had to put it in because of all the other "freedom" type movements of the period. But there were two lines that I absolutely loved: a) "It's August...it's not going to rain." -- classic if you live/have lived in upstate NY. It doesn't matter what time of year it is...it's either going to snow or rain at least once every 10 days. I lived there for 25 years. It just happens. b) "Thanks Mike...you smell great...like apple fritters." -- Random and perfectly delivered by Martin after his character smokes a bit of the reefer and delivers a press conference speech that inadvertently makes the concert a free event. The dialogue seemed authentic, the visuals were pretty great (as far as the realism of the festival, the scenery, the oddly amusing use of some props, and the costumes), and it was fun. If you can handle some amusing nudity, a few f-bombs, and some gay references, go see it.
4. Fantasy Football has started...I have tips for you to help you win your league. I will put those together and post them soon.
5. Valley Center High School football has started. Be sure to read my work blog (www.ikidyounotvc.blogspot.com) to keep up with that. Also, be sure to watch ESPN this Saturday night, 7:30 pm PST, to see Washington Huskies WR James Johnson (a VCHS alum) start (as a true freshman!) against LSU. It's a big deal, and he's pretty pumped about it...so watch for the kid with jersey No. 3 and see the great football player I've been watching for the past three years.
That's about all for now...I'll be back with more soon...
Sorry...I haven't written anything in forever. No excuse...it's just really hot in my apartment, and I've had a lot of writing to do for work, and...those are excuses. I apologize.
I only have a few quick thoughts tonight, so we'll jump right in...
1. I'm going to make a decision...I'm making a decision...decision made. I've made up my mind -- I think -- and I have decided that Inglorious Basterds is a good movie. Not great...good. I'll let you Tarantino fans get over yourselves for a second...there we go. The thing is, I'm noticing that a lot of movies fall into this category: they're so close to being really, really good, but they end up being...lackluster. Public Enemies was like that, Basterds was like that, and District 9 was like that (more on this in a second). Basterds did what it advertised; it gave us a WWII movie directed by Quentin Tarantino. It was fun enough, kooky enough, and had some classic moments, as well as a few classic lines ("Since this seems to be the end, mind if I go out speaking the king's?"). I might see it again...I might not...either way, it wouldn't really matter. That, I suppose, is the definition of underwhelming.
2. District 9, on the other hand, wasn't underwhelming as much as it was overhyped. I usually avoid things that everybody's raving about, mostly because public opinion is kind of like the "ask the audience" lifeline from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire (remember that show? Regis!) -- everybody agrees on things that are obvious. And the more people agree about obvious things, the more people jump on the bandwagon, until it just gets annoying. If the old saying that misery loves company is true, then I'd be willing to also say that stupidity loves company. Either way...there's lots of company to be had. Back to D9; it was a very original movie, and probably would have been much more enjoyable had it not been for everybody and their mother (and I did have actual mothers tell me about it) gushing about how amazing and life-changing this movie is. For the record, I enjoyed the movie very much, although the company with whom I watched it proved to be a bit...distracting...in a good way, but still. I'll probably watch it again and give more complete thoughts. One thing I loved was that the main character's name is "Wikus." And I also said the word "man" on the end of sentences for the rest of the night. As in, "come over here and take a look at this, man" like they do in that South African/Dutch accent. Classic.
3. If you are a hippie, or know a hippie, or are really into hippie culture, I bet you'll like Taking Woodstock. It's not overtly funny, it's not very dramatic, it's not all that inspiring, and it's not like an actual historical biopic or anything. It's kind of like hippies...not unpleasant, not very active, vaguely cerebral, and full of funny little awkward moments that can make you chuckle. Demetri Martin does a great job of sucking so badly at acting that he genuinely comes across as the ill-at-ease, can't-get-out-of-his-own-w
4. Fantasy Football has started...I have tips for you to help you win your league. I will put those together and post them soon.
5. Valley Center High School football has started. Be sure to read my work blog (www.ikidyounotvc.blogspot
That's about all for now...I'll be back with more soon...
Thoughts After A Second Viewing Of G.I. Joe
(from August 13, 2009)
1. I have never seen a character like The Baroness in the sense that she can be so cosmically gorgeous with the dark hair and glasses, and so decidedly unattractive with the blond hair and no specs. It's almost like seeing two different people play the same role. Sienna Miller was a good choice for the role, but I would somehow be a little happier with the world if she was naturally a brunette and needed corrective lenses.
Compare this:
...with this:
...and it's no contest.
2. The row of black kids behind me really enjoyed every Marlon Wayans scene in the movie. And I mean really enjoyed. The phenomenon of Tyler Perry's House Of Payne suddenly makes more sense.
3. What exactly is Scarlett's role on the team? They make a point of mentioning her super levels of genius...which apparently exist only to help her shoot bad guys in the eye, make smart-aleck remarks, and come up with two Celtic words in a pinch. Otherwise, she sure does wear an awfully tight, extremely form-fitting battle suit.
She graduated from college at age 12...so she could wear this to work. Yay America.
4. With Heath Ledger's amazing performance as The Joker last summer, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt nailing the role of Cobra Commander this year, I'd say we should keep an eye out for anyone else from 10 Things I Hate About You turning up as a super villain next summer. I just hope we don't have to see Julia Stiles play Emma Frost or something ridiculous like that. Maybe we'll get a Gabrielle Union sighting again though...nothing wrong with that.
5. It was still a really fun movie the second time, although I guess I might have Channing Tatum at least attempt to have an emotion of some kind next time around. He did a great job as a soldier, but his dramatic lines came out like they would in a high school drama club's performance of The Music Man. It enhances the unitentional comedy of the film for sure though...so that's a bonus.
If you haven't seen it yet, do yourself a favor...go see it. You won't hate it, and you might even have a great time.
1. I have never seen a character like The Baroness in the sense that she can be so cosmically gorgeous with the dark hair and glasses, and so decidedly unattractive with the blond hair and no specs. It's almost like seeing two different people play the same role. Sienna Miller was a good choice for the role, but I would somehow be a little happier with the world if she was naturally a brunette and needed corrective lenses.
Compare this:
...with this:
...and it's no contest.
2. The row of black kids behind me really enjoyed every Marlon Wayans scene in the movie. And I mean really enjoyed. The phenomenon of Tyler Perry's House Of Payne suddenly makes more sense.
3. What exactly is Scarlett's role on the team? They make a point of mentioning her super levels of genius...which apparently exist only to help her shoot bad guys in the eye, make smart-aleck remarks, and come up with two Celtic words in a pinch. Otherwise, she sure does wear an awfully tight, extremely form-fitting battle suit.
She graduated from college at age 12...so she could wear this to work. Yay America.
4. With Heath Ledger's amazing performance as The Joker last summer, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt nailing the role of Cobra Commander this year, I'd say we should keep an eye out for anyone else from 10 Things I Hate About You turning up as a super villain next summer. I just hope we don't have to see Julia Stiles play Emma Frost or something ridiculous like that. Maybe we'll get a Gabrielle Union sighting again though...nothing wrong with that.
5. It was still a really fun movie the second time, although I guess I might have Channing Tatum at least attempt to have an emotion of some kind next time around. He did a great job as a soldier, but his dramatic lines came out like they would in a high school drama club's performance of The Music Man. It enhances the unitentional comedy of the film for sure though...so that's a bonus.
If you haven't seen it yet, do yourself a favor...go see it. You won't hate it, and you might even have a great time.
GI Joe: Fun For Fun's Sake
(from August 7, 2009)
Be prepared: a lot of critics, bloggers, mainstream media mouthpieces, and in short, nerds, all over the world are going to unleash a deluge of hate on the movie G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra. It's probably already begun, as I sit here at 3 a.m. after a midnight showing of the film. Like we saw with Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, all it takes is a few geeks whining about plot holes to spark an inferno of bad press.
The thing is, G.I. Joe is a fun movie. Plain and simple. I laughed at the cheesy lines. I gawked at the crazy, over-the-top, no-way-a-human-being-can-do-that special effects. I even swooned more than once when The Baroness sashayed across the screen. Yowza, Sienna Miller with dark hair and glasses. Nerds everywhere are freaking out right now. And I might just be one of them.
Here's the thing: this movie is unbelievably unrealistic. Gravity may or may not apply in the world of "the not too distant future" where this movie is set. Physics, biochemistry, metalurgy... I'm pretty sure dweebs everywhere are already finding and bemoaning all the inaccuracies.
I'd just like to say one thing to them: who freaking cares? I don't go to an action movie to see things that could happen. If I wanted to see action that is realistic, I'd just watch my own life. (Boo yah nerds! Take that! My life has more action in one day than yours does all year! What. Up.)
*Ahem* And now back to the movie.
I like how the movie unfolded... they didn't give us all the background info on all the characters all at the same time. They used some flashbacks here and there to give us the idea, and to set up those pesky plot elements of motive and... basically, why the people we're watching are doing what they're doing. Just so you know going in, and this isn't a big spoiler because apparently it's mostly true from the cartoon series, pretty much every character is intertwined with at least one other character in some significant way. Except maybe Arnold Vosloo... but you'll just have to figure that one out for yourself.
That's another good thing about the movie: they stayed true to the cartoon/toys, but didn't push the history on you if you aren't a huge nerd and know the backstory of every obscure action figure ever made. They had a lot of recognizable characters if you had the toys as a kid (and if you have a Y chromosome, you better have had at least one): Duke, Ripcord, Heavy Duty, Hawk, Scarlett, The Baroness, Destro, and of course, Cobra Commander. Oh, and we can't leave out my favorites, Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, who really could have had their own movie and it would have been pretty great. You can walk into this movie after living in a cave for your whole life and still understand what's going on, and probably enjoy yourself. Although if I had been living in a cave my whole life, the first thing I'd want would probably be a shower and/or a toothbrush.
The point is, G.I. Joe does exactly what it's supposed to do... if you let it. It's a fun movie set in a fantastic world of crazy things like suits that make you all but invincible and hot women who are somehow awesome at fighting despite wearing high heels and gallons of eye makeup. The character development is just right -- not too shallow, not too deep. You get to know them, you start to care a little bit about them because you see their humanity, but you don't get bogged down by too much weepy stuff or have to be subject to the horrible dramatic acting of Channing Tatum (for more than a few seconds, anyway).
The story makes a reasonable amount of sense, given the nonsensical world in which it takes places, and it keeps moving with all the requisite twists and turns necessary to be interesting, but not confusing. The bad guys are sufficiently bad, and the good guys are pretty great without being sappy or goody-two-shoes.
In short, G.I. Joe is going to get a bad rap just because it's not Spiderman, or The Dark Knight, or even Watchmen. It's a shame, because G.I. Joe is fun, it's action-packed, and you may even catch a cheap laugh or two (by trying to pronounce the Celtic word they use to fire the voice-activated rockets, for example). The only thing this movie does wrong is take some liberties with the laws of science -- but isn't that why we go to movies in the first place?
So... I recommend that you go see G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra if you get the chance. It's rated PG-13, "for strong sequences of action violence and mayhem throughout." They drop the "s" word towards the end, but other than that, I honestly can't recall very much swearing. All the use of hypodermic needles isn't exactly kosher with the squeamish among us, but even that isn't the worst use of syringes we've seen this movie season (I'm looking at you, Wolverine).
Take a date, grab some popcorn, and leave your stuck-up obsession with reality at the door... and enjoy G.I. Joe. Now you know... and knowing is half the battle.
Be prepared: a lot of critics, bloggers, mainstream media mouthpieces, and in short, nerds, all over the world are going to unleash a deluge of hate on the movie G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra. It's probably already begun, as I sit here at 3 a.m. after a midnight showing of the film. Like we saw with Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, all it takes is a few geeks whining about plot holes to spark an inferno of bad press.
The thing is, G.I. Joe is a fun movie. Plain and simple. I laughed at the cheesy lines. I gawked at the crazy, over-the-top, no-way-a-human-being-can-do-that special effects. I even swooned more than once when The Baroness sashayed across the screen. Yowza, Sienna Miller with dark hair and glasses. Nerds everywhere are freaking out right now. And I might just be one of them.
Here's the thing: this movie is unbelievably unrealistic. Gravity may or may not apply in the world of "the not too distant future" where this movie is set. Physics, biochemistry, metalurgy... I'm pretty sure dweebs everywhere are already finding and bemoaning all the inaccuracies.
I'd just like to say one thing to them: who freaking cares? I don't go to an action movie to see things that could happen. If I wanted to see action that is realistic, I'd just watch my own life. (Boo yah nerds! Take that! My life has more action in one day than yours does all year! What. Up.)
*Ahem* And now back to the movie.
I like how the movie unfolded... they didn't give us all the background info on all the characters all at the same time. They used some flashbacks here and there to give us the idea, and to set up those pesky plot elements of motive and... basically, why the people we're watching are doing what they're doing. Just so you know going in, and this isn't a big spoiler because apparently it's mostly true from the cartoon series, pretty much every character is intertwined with at least one other character in some significant way. Except maybe Arnold Vosloo... but you'll just have to figure that one out for yourself.
That's another good thing about the movie: they stayed true to the cartoon/toys, but didn't push the history on you if you aren't a huge nerd and know the backstory of every obscure action figure ever made. They had a lot of recognizable characters if you had the toys as a kid (and if you have a Y chromosome, you better have had at least one): Duke, Ripcord, Heavy Duty, Hawk, Scarlett, The Baroness, Destro, and of course, Cobra Commander. Oh, and we can't leave out my favorites, Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, who really could have had their own movie and it would have been pretty great. You can walk into this movie after living in a cave for your whole life and still understand what's going on, and probably enjoy yourself. Although if I had been living in a cave my whole life, the first thing I'd want would probably be a shower and/or a toothbrush.
The point is, G.I. Joe does exactly what it's supposed to do... if you let it. It's a fun movie set in a fantastic world of crazy things like suits that make you all but invincible and hot women who are somehow awesome at fighting despite wearing high heels and gallons of eye makeup. The character development is just right -- not too shallow, not too deep. You get to know them, you start to care a little bit about them because you see their humanity, but you don't get bogged down by too much weepy stuff or have to be subject to the horrible dramatic acting of Channing Tatum (for more than a few seconds, anyway).
The story makes a reasonable amount of sense, given the nonsensical world in which it takes places, and it keeps moving with all the requisite twists and turns necessary to be interesting, but not confusing. The bad guys are sufficiently bad, and the good guys are pretty great without being sappy or goody-two-shoes.
In short, G.I. Joe is going to get a bad rap just because it's not Spiderman, or The Dark Knight, or even Watchmen. It's a shame, because G.I. Joe is fun, it's action-packed, and you may even catch a cheap laugh or two (by trying to pronounce the Celtic word they use to fire the voice-activated rockets, for example). The only thing this movie does wrong is take some liberties with the laws of science -- but isn't that why we go to movies in the first place?
So... I recommend that you go see G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra if you get the chance. It's rated PG-13, "for strong sequences of action violence and mayhem throughout." They drop the "s" word towards the end, but other than that, I honestly can't recall very much swearing. All the use of hypodermic needles isn't exactly kosher with the squeamish among us, but even that isn't the worst use of syringes we've seen this movie season (I'm looking at you, Wolverine).
Take a date, grab some popcorn, and leave your stuck-up obsession with reality at the door... and enjoy G.I. Joe. Now you know... and knowing is half the battle.
Dog Days
(from August 5, 2009)
Apparently, the arrival of August in Southern California means that the earth is so positioned that this region is about 11 feet away from the surface of the sun.
I'm much more of a rainy day kind of guy anyway, so this degree of heat isn't really my preferred climate. I mean, it could definitely be worse, on both sides of the temperature spectrum, but it's hard to even be motivated to accomplish the simplest of tasks when your energy is melting away.
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel: football season.
I'm starting to shift my mind back into football gear by re-familiarizing myself with the names and places of the players I'll be watching leading up to the annual fantasy football draft. Obviously, people are big on running backs like Adrian Peterson, Michael Turner and Matt Forte, while there are some guys who are flying a little bit under the radar that I'm curious about (and whose names I'm not mentioning on purpose because of all the scavengers out there looking for any scrap of information they can get). I'm going to share my thoughts on fantasy football in some greater detail later this month, so I'll refrain from anything more for the time being.
Football season also means Valley Center High School football, and I'm excited/curious to see the team this year. Beau Reilly takes over at quarterback, and after Tyler Bernard and James Johnson lit up the competition last year, it will be interesting to see how the team looks with Reilly under center. This is also the first time I'll be covering the Jaguars without Bernard and Johnson on the field, so I'm looking forward to finding out who will be the next big playmaker. Running back Stanton Upson will be the guy to watch after an amazing junior year last season, and the offensive line is almost completely intact from last year. The defense should also be solid, but without Johnson playing centerfield and picking off passes like Deion Sanders in his prime, I don't know how well the Jags will play against passing teams like Westview and Oceanside (Valley Center's only two losses last year, coincidentally).
But with still a good three or four weeks of August (and unrelenting sunshine) left before that, I suppose I'll have to content myself with softball twice a week, with G.I. Joe coming out this weekend, and wearing as little as possible in my heavily air-conditioned apartment until it's safe to go outside before 8 p.m. again.
Apparently, the arrival of August in Southern California means that the earth is so positioned that this region is about 11 feet away from the surface of the sun.
I'm much more of a rainy day kind of guy anyway, so this degree of heat isn't really my preferred climate. I mean, it could definitely be worse, on both sides of the temperature spectrum, but it's hard to even be motivated to accomplish the simplest of tasks when your energy is melting away.
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel: football season.
I'm starting to shift my mind back into football gear by re-familiarizing myself with the names and places of the players I'll be watching leading up to the annual fantasy football draft. Obviously, people are big on running backs like Adrian Peterson, Michael Turner and Matt Forte, while there are some guys who are flying a little bit under the radar that I'm curious about (and whose names I'm not mentioning on purpose because of all the scavengers out there looking for any scrap of information they can get). I'm going to share my thoughts on fantasy football in some greater detail later this month, so I'll refrain from anything more for the time being.
Football season also means Valley Center High School football, and I'm excited/curious to see the team this year. Beau Reilly takes over at quarterback, and after Tyler Bernard and James Johnson lit up the competition last year, it will be interesting to see how the team looks with Reilly under center. This is also the first time I'll be covering the Jaguars without Bernard and Johnson on the field, so I'm looking forward to finding out who will be the next big playmaker. Running back Stanton Upson will be the guy to watch after an amazing junior year last season, and the offensive line is almost completely intact from last year. The defense should also be solid, but without Johnson playing centerfield and picking off passes like Deion Sanders in his prime, I don't know how well the Jags will play against passing teams like Westview and Oceanside (Valley Center's only two losses last year, coincidentally).
But with still a good three or four weeks of August (and unrelenting sunshine) left before that, I suppose I'll have to content myself with softball twice a week, with G.I. Joe coming out this weekend, and wearing as little as possible in my heavily air-conditioned apartment until it's safe to go outside before 8 p.m. again.
Ladies & Gentlemen, I Present...Ladies & Gentlemen
(Does that say "Julia Jackson" or "Jennifer Aniston"? Or maybe "Juvenile Diabetes"?)I bet it's hard to make it big in folk music. Mostly because hippies don't really have money, but also because most public places at least prefer (if not require) you to wear shoes of some kind.
Honestly, I kind of felt like I had been transported back to some sort of hippie commune in the 1960s, and judging from the footwear of certain band members (or lack thereof), I may not be too far off.
But I'm getting ahead of myself...
Sunday night at theCanvas (yes, that's how it's spelled...for some reason), the band Ladies & Gentlemen played a little show for a good-sized group of us in San Marcos. The six-member hippie...er...folk...band consists of two vocalists (one of whom plays the steel guitar), a keyboard player, a bass/banjo player, an electric guitarist, and a drummer. I only know the keyboard player, Julia Rainbow Waterfall Jackson (see above photo of autographed forearm), so I'll just make up names for the rest: Stevey McBeardo (lead singer/steel guitar), Daisy Unicorn Flowerchild (female vocals), Long John Quickfingers (electric guitar), Ishmael Kind-Of-Looks-Like-Ben-Fol
Overall, the songs are unique and memorable, mostly because of the catchy melodies. It's always hard to hear the lyrics in a coffee shop show, so I'm not going to even try to name any of the songs. But, having seen them play a few months ago, I remembered the majority of the songs from the melody and was proud of that fact.
They started the set with an a'capella version of an old "negro spiritual" (to quote Julia R.W. Jackson) that is probably called "I'm Troubled" if I heard the words correctly. Come to think of it, I can't imagine too many "negro spirituals" that aren't a'capella. Not like there were instruments handy or anything. Unless they did that mop-and-bucket bass trick. That's just cool.
Anyway, they went on to play a handful of songs that varied in tempo, meter, and volume, all of which fit into the folk genre, but weren't boring or predictable. I especially enjoyed the solid bass lines and the talented playing of Long John Quickfingers. The slow songs were rock solid as well, as Miss Jackson tickled the ivories with impressive skill -- when the piano was actually audible over the rest of the music, anyway. Oh, and she played the accordion for the first non-a'capella song, which was just fun. Ishmael also played the banjo on that tune, while Bob played bass and did some work with his feet on the kick drum and hi-hat.
All told, I came away impressed with the skill and polish of a band that looks like such...well...hippies, which aren't usually known for their practice ethic or their ability to interact with electricity. It still felt like a jam session in some tiny San Francisco bar circa 1962, and the complex simplicity made the band fun, eclectic, and technically sound.
You don't often hear that kind of quality in a random coffee shop on a Sunday night, but when you do...
...you try your best not to make jokes about hugging trees.
Comic Con Day 5: The Last Day At Summer Camp
(from July 30, 2009)
Sorry for the lateness of this entry, but after such a full week at the Con, I'm still trying to catch up. I'm worn out to my very bones, but it's the kind of exhaustion you only get from meeting gorgeous celebrities and having them profess their love to you... via an autographed photo. It's quite a satisfying feeling.
But now that I've had a few days to process it all, I wanted to take a quick look back at Sunday. The final day of Comic Con 2009 was a lot like that final day at summer camp -- those of us who have been there the whole time are walking around just a little more slowly, remembering all the fun things we did, all the cool people we met, and just soaking it all in one last time.
"Oh look, there's the Playmate from 1998! She's so sad...we're going to miss you, lady trying desperately not to age!"
"There's the Twilight booth, where I nearly got decapitated by a 14 year old girl grabbing a poster!"
"The Star Wars booth! I can still smell the nerd sweat from all the chubby Jedi-wannabes permanently soaked into the carpet after they stood there for three hours watching clips from the movies up on that big screen."
"The G4 booth, my home away from home this week, and the site of me becoming even more famous than I was before! I'm going to miss you, and miss being on live television..."
...that's literally me in the center, with the green hat on, showing off my rub-on tattoo of Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn. And so my already considerable fame grows.
It was a bittersweet day; a lot of kids were there because it was some kind of family day or something, so a lot of the booths had giveaways targeted to the youngest fans. Basically, that translated into "stay away from the WB booth or you'll get run over by 400 strollers."
But it was still Comic Con, and plenty of people were there for the first day all week (clearly not the most dedicated Con-goers, since even I knew that you can't wait until the last minute to register or you'll be out of luck). It was kind of sad seeing the costumes on Sunday, because those of us who had been there all week knew that we'd seen the best of the best on Saturday, and that the Sunday cosplayers were just a day late and a dollar (or more) short.
Since Saturday is essentially the thrilling climax of the Comic Con story, Sunday felt kind of like those nine different endings from The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King (which I heard mentioned at least three times during the week). Not that the endings were bad, it's comparable in that, just when you think it's all over, it's still going. So it was with the Con; I kept thinking that the floor would be empty when I turned around, but every time I circled back to the main area (around the movie/TV booths), there were still plenty of people.
I did catch a few photo gems that I missed earlier, including the best statue ever:
...a sign that drew a lot of agreement, in both scream and non-scream form:
...Princess Leia, in the only costume truly recognized by the nerd community:
...the pope (Wait, the pope? Really? Does he have a comic book coming out?):
...me with Blair Herter, correspondent for G4 and apparently a former contestant on Road Rules back in the day:
...movie expert Chris Gore in a pink baby T-shirt:
...and, just to round things out, the G4 International Sexy Ladies Show girl, still somehow in that bathing suit and still somehow able to smile about it:
All in all, Sunday at the Con was fun; I watched a trivia contest hosted my Mr. Herter in the G4 booth (the winner got some really cool stuff, including a life-size replica storm trooper helmet... goodness sakes, I think I need to get away from all the nerds before I become any more like them), I picked up some more swag, I bought myself a Guy Fawkes mask (from V For Vendetta, of course) and just took it all in one final time.
If we're going to use the camp analogy, let's take it a step further and identify some of my favorite things from the week, using camp terms to complete the thought:
Camp Counselor: Olivia Munn, who was clearly the person I was there to see, and she did not disappoint. From the Running Of The Munns (I hope I don't have to pay royalties to use that) to the autograph session and everything in between, she helped make Comic Con '09 the highlight of my year so far. I think it's too late, I'm already a nerd.
Camp Song: The Attack Of The Show theme, which a room full of nerds hummed on kazoos for the AOTS panel. Also, the Star Wars theme, which can make an entire convention hall of nerds freeze in their tracks and look heavenward to find the source of their greatest dreams come to life.
Coolest Cabin: For me, it was the G4 booth, not only because of Miss Munn and the live coverage of the Con, but because they made their celebrities accessible, they gave away a lot of free stuff (I have an AOTS T-shirt, a handful of buttons, a stack of rub-on tattoos, a green poker visor, and an autographed picture of Olivia Munn given to me after one of the handlers saw that I had Olivia and Kevin's signatures on my forearm), and they always had something going on worth checking out. As I chatted briefly with the handler who gave me the autographed Munn photo, I mentioned how much I loved their booth, and I literally said, "See you next year!" like every kid at camp does. Otherwise, I enjoyed the Iron Man booth (with the four Iron Man suits), the Twilight booth (for giving away sooooooo much), and the Hasbro booth with the G.I. Joe suits.
Lamest Cabin: clearly the WB/CW/whatever that network's called booth. For one thing, it was massive, it was right in the middle row, and it was horribly designed in terms of accessibility. Whenever they had celebrities, they were tucked away under the second story where you couldn't see them. When they didn't, they had some Rock Band thing in one of the corners, but it was always packed and you couldn't really see what was going on. They didn't hand out swag; you had to wait in a line and circle around the booth a couple times before you got to the counter and they handed stuff to you. If the Con was indeed summer camp, the WB booth was the cabin full of kids who had poison oak.
Mess Hall: I didn't actually buy anything to eat there, although they have a few concessions areas, as well as some Starbucks locations, inside the convention center. More little snack carts were positioned here and there, but none of it looked all that good, and was pretty expensive (like, movie theater expensive), so I settled for some homemade sandwiches. Peanut butter, honey and cinnamon sure hit the spot though, and you need a good source of energy like that to survive the Con floor for five days.
Favorite Camp Activity: Going to my first panel was lots of fun, and the gang from AOTS put on a great show. Along with the clip they showed us:
...they really brought us all together with the kazoos and the nerd rave. If they had had a Con-wide softball game, that might have trumped the panel... but it still would have been close.
Hope To See You Next Year: Obviously I'll be hanging around the G4 booth again next July, getting on live TV and having gorgeous starlets falling in love with me... again. But I really just want to see the things that make Comic Con so special -- the costumes, the crowds, the larger-than-life booths and the general craziness. And if the International Sexy Ladies Show girl is there again, that wouldn't hurt either.
So with a full Comic Con experience under my belt, I feel like I learned a lot; not only about comics, movies and television, but about myself and my fellow nerds. This whirlwind adventure got me pumped up, took my breath away and left me pretty exhausted, but most of all, really showed me a great time.
Next year, I'm going to see what I can accomplish with my press pass, maybe set up some pre-scheduled interview time, and hopefully try to stay more informed about the new releases and accompanying celebrities that will be there.
And maybe over the winter, I'll write a letter to some of the new friends I made, remembering all the fun we had this summer at Comic Con.
Sorry for the lateness of this entry, but after such a full week at the Con, I'm still trying to catch up. I'm worn out to my very bones, but it's the kind of exhaustion you only get from meeting gorgeous celebrities and having them profess their love to you... via an autographed photo. It's quite a satisfying feeling.
But now that I've had a few days to process it all, I wanted to take a quick look back at Sunday. The final day of Comic Con 2009 was a lot like that final day at summer camp -- those of us who have been there the whole time are walking around just a little more slowly, remembering all the fun things we did, all the cool people we met, and just soaking it all in one last time.
"Oh look, there's the Playmate from 1998! She's so sad...we're going to miss you, lady trying desperately not to age!"
"There's the Twilight booth, where I nearly got decapitated by a 14 year old girl grabbing a poster!"
"The Star Wars booth! I can still smell the nerd sweat from all the chubby Jedi-wannabes permanently soaked into the carpet after they stood there for three hours watching clips from the movies up on that big screen."
"The G4 booth, my home away from home this week, and the site of me becoming even more famous than I was before! I'm going to miss you, and miss being on live television..."
...that's literally me in the center, with the green hat on, showing off my rub-on tattoo of Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn. And so my already considerable fame grows.It was a bittersweet day; a lot of kids were there because it was some kind of family day or something, so a lot of the booths had giveaways targeted to the youngest fans. Basically, that translated into "stay away from the WB booth or you'll get run over by 400 strollers."
But it was still Comic Con, and plenty of people were there for the first day all week (clearly not the most dedicated Con-goers, since even I knew that you can't wait until the last minute to register or you'll be out of luck). It was kind of sad seeing the costumes on Sunday, because those of us who had been there all week knew that we'd seen the best of the best on Saturday, and that the Sunday cosplayers were just a day late and a dollar (or more) short.
Since Saturday is essentially the thrilling climax of the Comic Con story, Sunday felt kind of like those nine different endings from The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King (which I heard mentioned at least three times during the week). Not that the endings were bad, it's comparable in that, just when you think it's all over, it's still going. So it was with the Con; I kept thinking that the floor would be empty when I turned around, but every time I circled back to the main area (around the movie/TV booths), there were still plenty of people.
I did catch a few photo gems that I missed earlier, including the best statue ever:
...a sign that drew a lot of agreement, in both scream and non-scream form:
...Princess Leia, in the only costume truly recognized by the nerd community:
...the pope (Wait, the pope? Really? Does he have a comic book coming out?):
...me with Blair Herter, correspondent for G4 and apparently a former contestant on Road Rules back in the day:
...movie expert Chris Gore in a pink baby T-shirt:
...and, just to round things out, the G4 International Sexy Ladies Show girl, still somehow in that bathing suit and still somehow able to smile about it:
All in all, Sunday at the Con was fun; I watched a trivia contest hosted my Mr. Herter in the G4 booth (the winner got some really cool stuff, including a life-size replica storm trooper helmet... goodness sakes, I think I need to get away from all the nerds before I become any more like them), I picked up some more swag, I bought myself a Guy Fawkes mask (from V For Vendetta, of course) and just took it all in one final time.If we're going to use the camp analogy, let's take it a step further and identify some of my favorite things from the week, using camp terms to complete the thought:
Camp Counselor: Olivia Munn, who was clearly the person I was there to see, and she did not disappoint. From the Running Of The Munns (I hope I don't have to pay royalties to use that) to the autograph session and everything in between, she helped make Comic Con '09 the highlight of my year so far. I think it's too late, I'm already a nerd.
Camp Song: The Attack Of The Show theme, which a room full of nerds hummed on kazoos for the AOTS panel. Also, the Star Wars theme, which can make an entire convention hall of nerds freeze in their tracks and look heavenward to find the source of their greatest dreams come to life.
Coolest Cabin: For me, it was the G4 booth, not only because of Miss Munn and the live coverage of the Con, but because they made their celebrities accessible, they gave away a lot of free stuff (I have an AOTS T-shirt, a handful of buttons, a stack of rub-on tattoos, a green poker visor, and an autographed picture of Olivia Munn given to me after one of the handlers saw that I had Olivia and Kevin's signatures on my forearm), and they always had something going on worth checking out. As I chatted briefly with the handler who gave me the autographed Munn photo, I mentioned how much I loved their booth, and I literally said, "See you next year!" like every kid at camp does. Otherwise, I enjoyed the Iron Man booth (with the four Iron Man suits), the Twilight booth (for giving away sooooooo much), and the Hasbro booth with the G.I. Joe suits.
Lamest Cabin: clearly the WB/CW/whatever that network's called booth. For one thing, it was massive, it was right in the middle row, and it was horribly designed in terms of accessibility. Whenever they had celebrities, they were tucked away under the second story where you couldn't see them. When they didn't, they had some Rock Band thing in one of the corners, but it was always packed and you couldn't really see what was going on. They didn't hand out swag; you had to wait in a line and circle around the booth a couple times before you got to the counter and they handed stuff to you. If the Con was indeed summer camp, the WB booth was the cabin full of kids who had poison oak.
Mess Hall: I didn't actually buy anything to eat there, although they have a few concessions areas, as well as some Starbucks locations, inside the convention center. More little snack carts were positioned here and there, but none of it looked all that good, and was pretty expensive (like, movie theater expensive), so I settled for some homemade sandwiches. Peanut butter, honey and cinnamon sure hit the spot though, and you need a good source of energy like that to survive the Con floor for five days.
Favorite Camp Activity: Going to my first panel was lots of fun, and the gang from AOTS put on a great show. Along with the clip they showed us:
...they really brought us all together with the kazoos and the nerd rave. If they had had a Con-wide softball game, that might have trumped the panel... but it still would have been close.
Hope To See You Next Year: Obviously I'll be hanging around the G4 booth again next July, getting on live TV and having gorgeous starlets falling in love with me... again. But I really just want to see the things that make Comic Con so special -- the costumes, the crowds, the larger-than-life booths and the general craziness. And if the International Sexy Ladies Show girl is there again, that wouldn't hurt either.
So with a full Comic Con experience under my belt, I feel like I learned a lot; not only about comics, movies and television, but about myself and my fellow nerds. This whirlwind adventure got me pumped up, took my breath away and left me pretty exhausted, but most of all, really showed me a great time.
Next year, I'm going to see what I can accomplish with my press pass, maybe set up some pre-scheduled interview time, and hopefully try to stay more informed about the new releases and accompanying celebrities that will be there.
And maybe over the winter, I'll write a letter to some of the new friends I made, remembering all the fun we had this summer at Comic Con.
Comic Con Day 4: Hit That High Note
(from July 27, 2009)
If Comic Con was the ideal baseball lineup, then Saturday definitely fits as the cleanup hitter.
Sorry, that analogy is not the way to go for this demographic. Hang on...
If Comic Con was Episode IV of the Star Wars saga, then Saturday definitely fits as the moment Luke blows up the Death Star.
That's much better.
Saturday at the Con is the climax of everything that has been building for the previous three days. The masquerade ball is Saturday night, so all the nerds bust out the prime costumes. The exhibitor booths pull out all the stops with their giveaways. Celebrity sightings are big and frequent. The floor is jam packed. And G4 network's live coverage of the event kicks off, complete with a gorgeous hostess (see previous blogs here) dressed up as a variety of superheroes (more on that in a bit).
The energy in the convention center is buzzing. You can see people walking with just a little bit more of a spring in their step. The overheard conversations are almost frantic with excitement and anticipation. Noises of every kind imaginable are coming from the big booths in an attempt to capture your attention for even the slightest of seconds. Comic Con Saturday is almost alive in its own right.
The day started with a sign of things to come -- the official outfit of the nerd:
That's right: socks with sandals. Right from the get-go, I knew it was going to be an amazing day.
This being my first year at the Con, I had made it a point to try and experience the event like a typical nerd (which wasn't hard, given my eighth grade school photo, which I hope we don't have to mention anymore). I wanted to wait in lines, grab swag left and right, run after beautiful women just to have them scribble on something, and cheer for things I've never heard of just to get a free t-shirt thrown in my general direction.
Having gone to a screening on Wednesday, learned some valuable lessons about lines and swag on Thursday, and acted like a completely crazed fan on Friday, I thought I was ready for whatever the Con could throw at me on Saturday.
And then I saw this guy:
...and I nearly peed my pants. Seriously, he was easily 6'6" and ripped, plus he didn't really say much, and when he did talk it was something about joining the resistance. And thusly did my Saturday at Comic Con officially begin.
I got to the convention center early to wait in line for a drawing that would determine who would be allowed into the Attack Of The Show autograph session later that afternoon. After a good hour in line, I manged to pick a winning ticket on my first draw (those drawing a blank ticket could return to the back of the line to wait for another chance until all the winning tickets had been drawn). Now, I don't want to sound weird, but I have to admit -- I actually prayed that I would draw a winning ticket. It wasn't a crazy deal like, "God, I'll never lie again if I get this!" or anything, but in my head, I remember literally praying to God that I really, really wanted to make it into this session and asking Him to let me get it. Whether or not you believe in this sort of thing, I have to say...drawing a winner on the first try didn't happen very often from what I heard in line. Not that God is overly concerned with my desire to meet famous people... but the point remains, I got in and I was super stoked.
But I had a few free hours before the next big event on my schedule, the G4 Network's live coverage of Comic Con, which began at 1 p.m. I've been on television a few times before, as I'm sure you'd expect from someone of my gratuitous level of fame, but as I mentioned, I wanted the full Comic Con fan experience, and if getting in the background of a live TV show isn't on a nerd's must-do list, then I guess I just don't know nerds at all.
So once again, I headed for the exhibition hall for a look around. I had heard that Saturday was a big day, and it makes sense for all the reasons we mentioned before, but I was not prepared for what I saw and heard (and sometimes smelled).
I guess it was the combination of so many people having their attention pulled in so many different directions -- it felt a little bit like being in a big nerd amusement park, only instead of rides there were celebrities everywhere. Every time I turned around, I saw...
Rob Zombie:
...Jamie Kennedy:
...Tyrese Gibson:
...comedian Doug Benson:
...Yvonne Strahovsky (if you don't know who she is, you should Google her right now...do it!):
...Nina Dobrev (you may not know who she is now, but you will):
...Billy Connolly (from the immortal TV show Billy back in the early 90s, as well as The Boondock Saints, The Last Samurai, and Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events, to name a few):
...Kathy Najimy (from Sister Act and Rat Race, among others):
...and I'm sure there were more that I didn't even see. There is always something big going on at the Con on Saturday, it is beyond impossible to see everything.
I made my attempts though, and despite the crowds, I soldiered on. When the constant jostling, the heat, and the body odor of the crowd got to be too much, I found a little spot by one of the stairways to grab a seat and catch my breath (and upload my photos for my many adoring fans). But the electricity of the floor kept pulling me back in, and I powerless to fight the alluring call.
Plus, the chance to get on live TV will make regular people do the weirdest things, and for someone as famous as I am, I have to say that I guess I'm not entirely immune to this phenomenon. Actually, I'll just play it off like whatever I was doing was on purpose to get the full fan "experience." I don't think anyone will question that.
So I headed over to the G4 stage, which was a two-story structure tucked away nearly in the corner of the exhibition hall, with a commanding view of the floor:
The network's coverage of the convention began at 1 pm, but, as with everything at the Con, people started gathering much earlier than that to secure their chance at television immortality. Even though I got there around 12:45 pm, I still managed to find a few gaps and slip up towards the edge of the stage. At that point, this happened:
That's me in the green hat, and this was on television. And so my already considerable fame grows.
Of course, just to make my family proud, I had to do something to draw attention to myself, so I did this:
Yep, that's me showing off a rub-on tattoo of Kevin & Olivia I put on my right shoulder. Again, this was on live television. Granted, it was on the G4 network, so only a few mill... um, thous... OK, it was like 60 people who saw this. And it was totally worth it...
Now, I'm typically not a "screaming masses" kind of guy, but it was pretty fun to just hang out with the other fans and act all crazy every time the stage manager waved his hands. But with the stage elevated, our view was pretty much this:
...which was cool from a behind-the-scenes standpoint, but was difficult from a neck pain standpoint, having to keep looking up like that. I enjoyed using my camera to zoom in and read the teleprompter to see what they were supposed to be saying, then hearing them ad-lib for minutes at a time before they were forced to return to the scripted text. One of my favorite aspects of Attack Of The Show is that the hosts have such great rapport with each other that you don't feel like you're watching a show as much as you feel like you're watching your good-looking, really funny friends hang out and entertain you. As much as I watch the show (I have my DVR set to record it every afternoon so I can watch it later), I was really excited to see the live coverage.
And they didn't disappoint... at least, not entirely. The show was three hours long, and even though a lot of it was happening in front of our eyes, there were a lot of pre-taped segments and commercials, so there was a lot of down time. They did a good job of keeping interest somewhat alive by having Kevin & Olivia come down into the crowd from time to time:
...but even so, I just couldn't stand there the whole time. I'm sure some veterans of the Con were able to handle it; three hours is a cake walk compared to a line leading to anything Star Wars-related.
One other incentive was Olivia dressing up as various superheroes, beginning with Wonder Woman:
...and continuing with Batman villain Harley Quinn:
...Lara Croft, Tomb Raider:
...Marvel villain Emma Frost:
...and Watchmen heroine Silk Spectre, which I failed to digitally capture.
Kevin did his part, dressing up as Mammogramo (as you can see in the above picture), as well as a Japanese raccoon:
with some... well, let's just say that he's not storing those acorns away for winter.
It was interesting to watch the choreographed chaos that is live television unfold before my very eyes, and see really how much the hosts put into pulling it all off. I don't know where they get their energy, but Kevin & Olivia kept things going for the entirety of those three hours, and even had to shoot some alternate endings for the show after it was all done. I was exhausted just watching, so they must have been pretty much done. Olivia still had a Star Wars-related internet series to present afterward (Olivia Munn + Star Wars = no way in Hello Kitty would I try to wait in that line), so apparently she has the stamina of a Navy SEAL. Or she injects pixy stix straight into her bloodstream every commercial break. Whatever she does, it's working.
But I had to conserve some energy for the grueling line I knew awaited me for the AOTS autograph session. I had drawn a winning ticket, but I heard that there were 599 others just like mine, and I had learned by now that nothing this big happens at the Con without a line forming hours in advance. So with the live show wrapping up at 4 pm and the autograph session set to begin at 5:30 pm, I headed up to the autograph area at about 4:10 pm to jump in the back of the line.
Turns out I was about eight tenths of the way to the back by the time everybody showed up, and my line neighbor was a pot-growing fledgling comic artist named Mike (who would have been one of the most entertaining people ever had I not been so sleep-deprived and nervous about meeting Kevin & Olivia). I sat for a good 40 minutes on the bare concrete floor, then stood back up for a good 40 more minutes before a triumphant cheer from the crowd finally announced the arrival of the talent.
The G4 team kept the line moving quickly, but still allowed everyone time to talk briefly with the hosts and get a poster (and/or some other items) signed. When I got up there, I first saw a glimpse of Olivia and my heart started really thumping, I kid you not:
I didn't really know what to say, despite the fact that I had been rehearsing a few different options in my head for the entirety of the line wait. What came out was this:
I'm amused/mortified at the audible change in my voice when she started talking/looking at me. As a reformed (reforming?) dork, I felt like I had made significant progress in my 28 years on this planet. This event showed me that I have come nowhere near as far as I had thought. I will grant that she is an extremely beautiful woman, and that a man would have to have no soul to not feel a little nervous around her, but I was reduced to a stammering, quasi-coherent bundle of nerves before I even knew what was going on. I still don't really know what happened, and I'm at least glad I have the video to look at for reference.
Despite my buffoonery, I managed enough of a recovery by the time I transferred over to Kevin's station to have something resembling a conversation. We joked about my autographed forearm as a potential Craig's List item, and I got him to say something cool about me, which turned out to be (as it always is with these two) something dirty (and awesome). I walked away with my head in the clouds and an extra bounce in my step, even though I felt kind of like an idiot as soon as I started thinking of all the other cool responses I could have said to both of them.
But I also got to thinking about why it's so hard to have a normal interaction with somebody famous -- specifically a celebrity I follow with a passion.
My answer, after some deliberation, is that when you watch someone on television consistently, they start to become a part of your life. You laugh at their inside jokes, you remember the crazy things they did, and you identify with them in little ways that give you a sense of real connection. The thing is, it's a completely one-sided connection -- the only thing the celebrity sees when they're putting on the show is a camera. When the real-life meeting finally takes place, you still feel the connection, but the celebrity reacts to you as the stranger you are. They do a great job of being very friendly and making you feel like you're part of what they have going on, but it's still vaguely off-putting to be confronted by the sensation of disconnect, especially when you feel like you've established a link, however superficial it may be. All of this, plus the general nervousness involved with meeting someone new and not knowing how they'll respond, makes it difficult to have a truly natural, real interaction. I know it's easier for some people than it is for others, but I think overall that it's an odd phenomenon no matter what happens.
Either way, I ended up with this:
...and a whole lot more costume sightings, including scary chainsaw girls:
...an awesome Joker and henchman (who were smart and just camped out in this spot to allow for other people to take photos):
...an R2D2 unit that hopefully had a midget inside (you know, just for authenticity's sake):
...Spiderman:
...Mexican Superman & Wonder Woman:
...Thor, Magneto, and... a girl...?:
...my personal favorite, Swag Man (a costume made entirely out of things handed out, plus some duct tape):
...a group of Predators (or rastafarians?):
...Alice and The Mad Hatter:
...a pair of Disney princesses:
...and Snake Eyes:
I was pretty jazzed up at that point, so I hit the floor again for a quick lap or two, and kept the camera rolling for a few thoughts:
It was a great Saturday, and as I wedged myself into a trolley seat for the ride back to Qualcomm Stadium, I was exhausted but thrilled. The Con's big day was an experience I'll never forget, and I know a little bit more of what to expect next year.
I just hope there isn't a line for it already.
If Comic Con was the ideal baseball lineup, then Saturday definitely fits as the cleanup hitter.
Sorry, that analogy is not the way to go for this demographic. Hang on...
If Comic Con was Episode IV of the Star Wars saga, then Saturday definitely fits as the moment Luke blows up the Death Star.
That's much better.
Saturday at the Con is the climax of everything that has been building for the previous three days. The masquerade ball is Saturday night, so all the nerds bust out the prime costumes. The exhibitor booths pull out all the stops with their giveaways. Celebrity sightings are big and frequent. The floor is jam packed. And G4 network's live coverage of the event kicks off, complete with a gorgeous hostess (see previous blogs here) dressed up as a variety of superheroes (more on that in a bit).
The energy in the convention center is buzzing. You can see people walking with just a little bit more of a spring in their step. The overheard conversations are almost frantic with excitement and anticipation. Noises of every kind imaginable are coming from the big booths in an attempt to capture your attention for even the slightest of seconds. Comic Con Saturday is almost alive in its own right.
The day started with a sign of things to come -- the official outfit of the nerd:
That's right: socks with sandals. Right from the get-go, I knew it was going to be an amazing day.This being my first year at the Con, I had made it a point to try and experience the event like a typical nerd (which wasn't hard, given my eighth grade school photo, which I hope we don't have to mention anymore). I wanted to wait in lines, grab swag left and right, run after beautiful women just to have them scribble on something, and cheer for things I've never heard of just to get a free t-shirt thrown in my general direction.
Having gone to a screening on Wednesday, learned some valuable lessons about lines and swag on Thursday, and acted like a completely crazed fan on Friday, I thought I was ready for whatever the Con could throw at me on Saturday.
And then I saw this guy:
...and I nearly peed my pants. Seriously, he was easily 6'6" and ripped, plus he didn't really say much, and when he did talk it was something about joining the resistance. And thusly did my Saturday at Comic Con officially begin.
I got to the convention center early to wait in line for a drawing that would determine who would be allowed into the Attack Of The Show autograph session later that afternoon. After a good hour in line, I manged to pick a winning ticket on my first draw (those drawing a blank ticket could return to the back of the line to wait for another chance until all the winning tickets had been drawn). Now, I don't want to sound weird, but I have to admit -- I actually prayed that I would draw a winning ticket. It wasn't a crazy deal like, "God, I'll never lie again if I get this!" or anything, but in my head, I remember literally praying to God that I really, really wanted to make it into this session and asking Him to let me get it. Whether or not you believe in this sort of thing, I have to say...drawing a winner on the first try didn't happen very often from what I heard in line. Not that God is overly concerned with my desire to meet famous people... but the point remains, I got in and I was super stoked.
But I had a few free hours before the next big event on my schedule, the G4 Network's live coverage of Comic Con, which began at 1 p.m. I've been on television a few times before, as I'm sure you'd expect from someone of my gratuitous level of fame, but as I mentioned, I wanted the full Comic Con fan experience, and if getting in the background of a live TV show isn't on a nerd's must-do list, then I guess I just don't know nerds at all.
So once again, I headed for the exhibition hall for a look around. I had heard that Saturday was a big day, and it makes sense for all the reasons we mentioned before, but I was not prepared for what I saw and heard (and sometimes smelled).
I guess it was the combination of so many people having their attention pulled in so many different directions -- it felt a little bit like being in a big nerd amusement park, only instead of rides there were celebrities everywhere. Every time I turned around, I saw...
Rob Zombie:
...Jamie Kennedy:
...Tyrese Gibson:
...comedian Doug Benson:
...Yvonne Strahovsky (if you don't know who she is, you should Google her right now...do it!):
...Nina Dobrev (you may not know who she is now, but you will):
...Billy Connolly (from the immortal TV show Billy back in the early 90s, as well as The Boondock Saints, The Last Samurai, and Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events, to name a few):
...Kathy Najimy (from Sister Act and Rat Race, among others):
...and I'm sure there were more that I didn't even see. There is always something big going on at the Con on Saturday, it is beyond impossible to see everything.I made my attempts though, and despite the crowds, I soldiered on. When the constant jostling, the heat, and the body odor of the crowd got to be too much, I found a little spot by one of the stairways to grab a seat and catch my breath (and upload my photos for my many adoring fans). But the electricity of the floor kept pulling me back in, and I powerless to fight the alluring call.
Plus, the chance to get on live TV will make regular people do the weirdest things, and for someone as famous as I am, I have to say that I guess I'm not entirely immune to this phenomenon. Actually, I'll just play it off like whatever I was doing was on purpose to get the full fan "experience." I don't think anyone will question that.
So I headed over to the G4 stage, which was a two-story structure tucked away nearly in the corner of the exhibition hall, with a commanding view of the floor:
The network's coverage of the convention began at 1 pm, but, as with everything at the Con, people started gathering much earlier than that to secure their chance at television immortality. Even though I got there around 12:45 pm, I still managed to find a few gaps and slip up towards the edge of the stage. At that point, this happened:
That's me in the green hat, and this was on television. And so my already considerable fame grows.Of course, just to make my family proud, I had to do something to draw attention to myself, so I did this:
Yep, that's me showing off a rub-on tattoo of Kevin & Olivia I put on my right shoulder. Again, this was on live television. Granted, it was on the G4 network, so only a few mill... um, thous... OK, it was like 60 people who saw this. And it was totally worth it...Now, I'm typically not a "screaming masses" kind of guy, but it was pretty fun to just hang out with the other fans and act all crazy every time the stage manager waved his hands. But with the stage elevated, our view was pretty much this:
...which was cool from a behind-the-scenes standpoint, but was difficult from a neck pain standpoint, having to keep looking up like that. I enjoyed using my camera to zoom in and read the teleprompter to see what they were supposed to be saying, then hearing them ad-lib for minutes at a time before they were forced to return to the scripted text. One of my favorite aspects of Attack Of The Show is that the hosts have such great rapport with each other that you don't feel like you're watching a show as much as you feel like you're watching your good-looking, really funny friends hang out and entertain you. As much as I watch the show (I have my DVR set to record it every afternoon so I can watch it later), I was really excited to see the live coverage.And they didn't disappoint... at least, not entirely. The show was three hours long, and even though a lot of it was happening in front of our eyes, there were a lot of pre-taped segments and commercials, so there was a lot of down time. They did a good job of keeping interest somewhat alive by having Kevin & Olivia come down into the crowd from time to time:
...but even so, I just couldn't stand there the whole time. I'm sure some veterans of the Con were able to handle it; three hours is a cake walk compared to a line leading to anything Star Wars-related.One other incentive was Olivia dressing up as various superheroes, beginning with Wonder Woman:
...and continuing with Batman villain Harley Quinn:
...Lara Croft, Tomb Raider:
...Marvel villain Emma Frost:
...and Watchmen heroine Silk Spectre, which I failed to digitally capture.Kevin did his part, dressing up as Mammogramo (as you can see in the above picture), as well as a Japanese raccoon:
with some... well, let's just say that he's not storing those acorns away for winter.It was interesting to watch the choreographed chaos that is live television unfold before my very eyes, and see really how much the hosts put into pulling it all off. I don't know where they get their energy, but Kevin & Olivia kept things going for the entirety of those three hours, and even had to shoot some alternate endings for the show after it was all done. I was exhausted just watching, so they must have been pretty much done. Olivia still had a Star Wars-related internet series to present afterward (Olivia Munn + Star Wars = no way in Hello Kitty would I try to wait in that line), so apparently she has the stamina of a Navy SEAL. Or she injects pixy stix straight into her bloodstream every commercial break. Whatever she does, it's working.
But I had to conserve some energy for the grueling line I knew awaited me for the AOTS autograph session. I had drawn a winning ticket, but I heard that there were 599 others just like mine, and I had learned by now that nothing this big happens at the Con without a line forming hours in advance. So with the live show wrapping up at 4 pm and the autograph session set to begin at 5:30 pm, I headed up to the autograph area at about 4:10 pm to jump in the back of the line.
Turns out I was about eight tenths of the way to the back by the time everybody showed up, and my line neighbor was a pot-growing fledgling comic artist named Mike (who would have been one of the most entertaining people ever had I not been so sleep-deprived and nervous about meeting Kevin & Olivia). I sat for a good 40 minutes on the bare concrete floor, then stood back up for a good 40 more minutes before a triumphant cheer from the crowd finally announced the arrival of the talent.
The G4 team kept the line moving quickly, but still allowed everyone time to talk briefly with the hosts and get a poster (and/or some other items) signed. When I got up there, I first saw a glimpse of Olivia and my heart started really thumping, I kid you not:
I didn't really know what to say, despite the fact that I had been rehearsing a few different options in my head for the entirety of the line wait. What came out was this:I'm amused/mortified at the audible change in my voice when she started talking/looking at me. As a reformed (reforming?) dork, I felt like I had made significant progress in my 28 years on this planet. This event showed me that I have come nowhere near as far as I had thought. I will grant that she is an extremely beautiful woman, and that a man would have to have no soul to not feel a little nervous around her, but I was reduced to a stammering, quasi-coherent bundle of nerves before I even knew what was going on. I still don't really know what happened, and I'm at least glad I have the video to look at for reference.
Despite my buffoonery, I managed enough of a recovery by the time I transferred over to Kevin's station to have something resembling a conversation. We joked about my autographed forearm as a potential Craig's List item, and I got him to say something cool about me, which turned out to be (as it always is with these two) something dirty (and awesome). I walked away with my head in the clouds and an extra bounce in my step, even though I felt kind of like an idiot as soon as I started thinking of all the other cool responses I could have said to both of them.
But I also got to thinking about why it's so hard to have a normal interaction with somebody famous -- specifically a celebrity I follow with a passion.
My answer, after some deliberation, is that when you watch someone on television consistently, they start to become a part of your life. You laugh at their inside jokes, you remember the crazy things they did, and you identify with them in little ways that give you a sense of real connection. The thing is, it's a completely one-sided connection -- the only thing the celebrity sees when they're putting on the show is a camera. When the real-life meeting finally takes place, you still feel the connection, but the celebrity reacts to you as the stranger you are. They do a great job of being very friendly and making you feel like you're part of what they have going on, but it's still vaguely off-putting to be confronted by the sensation of disconnect, especially when you feel like you've established a link, however superficial it may be. All of this, plus the general nervousness involved with meeting someone new and not knowing how they'll respond, makes it difficult to have a truly natural, real interaction. I know it's easier for some people than it is for others, but I think overall that it's an odd phenomenon no matter what happens.
Either way, I ended up with this:
...and a whole lot more costume sightings, including scary chainsaw girls:
...an awesome Joker and henchman (who were smart and just camped out in this spot to allow for other people to take photos):
...an R2D2 unit that hopefully had a midget inside (you know, just for authenticity's sake):
...Spiderman:
...Mexican Superman & Wonder Woman:
...Thor, Magneto, and... a girl...?:
...my personal favorite, Swag Man (a costume made entirely out of things handed out, plus some duct tape):
...a group of Predators (or rastafarians?):
...Alice and The Mad Hatter:
...a pair of Disney princesses:
...and Snake Eyes:
I was pretty jazzed up at that point, so I hit the floor again for a quick lap or two, and kept the camera rolling for a few thoughts:It was a great Saturday, and as I wedged myself into a trolley seat for the ride back to Qualcomm Stadium, I was exhausted but thrilled. The Con's big day was an experience I'll never forget, and I know a little bit more of what to expect next year.
I just hope there isn't a line for it already.
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